


Like Hell

by 6643904379cS



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Biting, Blood Drinking, Blood and Injury, Demon Summoning, F/F, F/M, I Don't Even Know, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Inappropriate Humor, M/M, Multi, Oblivious Simon Snow, Oral Sex, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Self-Destruction, Swearing, The Mage (Simon Snow) is an Asshole, Thirsty Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch Needs a Hug, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-14 08:21:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29664456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/6643904379cS/pseuds/6643904379cS
Summary: It's an important milestone for any mage to summon a familiar, and it's even an easy spell.What's the worst that could happen?Simon should know better than that, he messes up simple spells all the time.
Relationships: Agatha Wellbelove/Phillipa Stainton, Keris/Trixie (Simon Snow), Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Other(s), Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 50
Kudos: 75





	1. The Summoning

**Author's Note:**

  * For [philaetos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/philaetos/gifts).



SIMON

I'm pissed off as I stomp my way up the stairs of Mummers House to my room in the tower. Today has been another awful one, I think to myself, as I yank my tie loose (fuck the school uniform, honestly, I'm so tired of putting up with this fucking noose around my neck) and I tug at my curly hair, half thinking of just pulling it out in my frustration…

I think back to when the Mage first brought me to this school, to Watford, and how he promised me a wonderful life if I just came with him. I was eleven and hungry, tired of the care homes that most certainly did not care, and I think back then I kinda expected this strange man to hurt me… I didn't even care really, if he was lying or not, I just went with him because I'd needed something to change. Even if the change was everything ending finally…

But he did bring me to school, and there was food, and a warm bed, and plenty of students to befriend… and magic. Even now it seems so weird to me, I had magic and didn't even know it for years…

Somehow though, I think the Mage had higher hopes for the boy he deemed "the most powerful mage alive" I think he wanted me to be some kinda chosen hero from the stories… but I've always been a disappointment… that's why I'm always getting thrown away. 

My anger dissolves into sadness instead. I've fucked up a lot of things at this school, in the last couple of months especially, but this one is probably what'll get me kicked out. This is the crowning moment of fuck ups that will show the Mage once and for all that he wasted his time with me… 

I wonder if he'll at least let me finish the school year, maybe just not send for me next term, or if I'll get called into his office and expelled… I wonder if Penny and Agatha will still want to be my friends after I'm kicked back into the Normal care system. 

Probably not…

It feels unfair. The day started off the same as any other. Except everyone was excited. Today we were gonna summon familiars. The way Penny explained it familiars come in all sorts of forms but all share one purpose, to aid the mage who summoned them (their master) until the summoning ends, either with the mage manually canceling the summoning or in the death of either party. 

Honestly, it sounded great to me, maybe not the master bit, but having someone or something around me always… well, it sounded good. And the fact that the spell to summon familiars isn't some long complicated incantation, but a small poem to read out and pouring your magic and desires and hopes into it… well, that sounded like something I couldn't fuck up…

I was wrong.

I should have seen it coming when Penny explained summoning like a coin-operated prize machine- a luck-of-the-draw kinda spell… I've never been lucky a day in my life…

But we were going in alphabetical order and watching Penny summon a pixie and Gareth with his weird hip-thrusting summon pull a mermaid (siren?) and promptly pouted upon realizing: it was a merman and he had to carry the poor bloke until they could provide a wheelchair (tail, no legs) so… I was sure my summoning couldn't go that bad, nothing summoned so far seemed particularly helpful… but nothing seemed bad either…

So when my turn came, well, I poured out my magic and my heart, praying for a summon that would never abandon me, someone I could rely on and who'd be strong enough to stick with me through all the bullshit that is my life normally…

No one told me you could accidentally summon a demon. 

And no one told me there were no do-overs.

… not, I guess, that the information would have helped… 

So, my familiar is a demon, big deal right? Well, yeah apparently. 

It turns out, in this claw machine pull type of summoning that, like claw machines in real life, you aren't supposed to be able to reach too far for your pulls…

To reach out and pull up a demon is very impressive of course, that takes a ridiculous amount of power…

But it stands to reason, if I was strong enough to reach out that far… Why didn't I summon an angel?

At the time I wasn't able to dwell on it, ever the professional Ms. Possibelf was calling out "Wellbelove'' next, and then I was watching Agatha summon her familiar.

And she- she got an angel… or rather, as close to it as a normal mage can. Some kinda bird-like Fae.

Not the pure white Heavenly wings of an angel, but rainbow-hued feathers like an especially ambitious peacock…

Only a handful of us pulled humanoid familiars and mine was the only one that was clearly evil… honestly, I shouldn't have even been surprised. I'm always the one messing up spells, or not knowing the right words… of course, I'd be terrible at this too…

Nowadays it's not illegal to summon demons, but it's not exactly smiled upon in polite company either… 

So, once again I'm an embarrassment to the Mage… this time, I imagine, is probably gonna be the last straw…

Oh, wait. The absolute cherry on top. The demon I summoned? Yeah, couldn't just be some awful monstrous thing to really bring home the point that my magic is a mess…

Nope, a fit bloke with bat-like wings and an almost cartoon-ish devil tail… a lust demon apparently. And like that wasn't enough for people to just guess at and gossip about…

The absolute fucker of demon, after taking one look at the room full of people, looked at me with a perfect smirk and raised brow and drawled out, "Not many people out there summoning sex demons with an audience… quite the crowd you've gathered too… planning a good show then?" 

And then he winked.

Like I might- we might- really… and…

So now my classmates can wonder if I summoned him for **_that_ **and not just on accident…

I'm mentally packing up my stuff (I don't own much) and planning out my goodbyes for when the Mage kicks me out of school, as I finally get my stupid tie unknotted (except fuck, I'm gonna need Penny to redo it… or not, I guess, if I'm expelled…) and I'm miserable so when I slam open the door to my room I just wanna fall into my bed and scream (maybe cry, if I'm honest) and then I have to freeze because my bed (lovely, clean, warm bed… I'll miss it dearly) is occupied.

The fucking demon is in my bed.

My vision goes red for a moment as I growl out, "What the fuck are you doing here!"

The demon only seems more amused, "Nine circles! Anyone ever told you that you are incredibly sexy when you're angry?" He purrs.

Just like that the anger is gone. Shriveled up in embarrassment…

"Go fuck yourself." A terrible comeback, but it's the only thing I'm confident I won't get tongue-tied on.

The demon grins, all pearly white and sharp, "Well, if that's what my master commands, I, your humble familiar, would be more than happy to… tell me, are you the type that likes to watch?" 

He's already sliding out of his shirt. "Stop! I didn't mean that, don't do that!"

"God, who even does that," I grumble under my breath.

It's never occurred to me that a familiar might purposely take my words so literally… this is a nightmare… and I'm stuck with this prick.

Well… maybe? I'm actually not sure. If the Mage expels me and sends me back to the Normals would I get to keep my familiar, or is this just one more person I'll lose? 

"Baz." The demon suddenly chimes in.

"What?" 

"My name, well… mostly, I've been called many things, but 'Baz' is what I prefer. Figured you should know it, since we're gonna be together for a long, long time."

"We what?"

"Demons are bound to their contracts even more tightly than most familiars "someone strong enough to deal with all your bullshit and who won't ever abandon you" I agreed to those terms when I appeared to you. No matter what comes your way now, I'll be here, right at your side to help… until you die, or something sends me back to Hell. If I go first then I've "abandoned" you, so your end of the deal becomes null and void… most people would probably hope for that outcome, but I suppose it depends on how desperately you need someone beside you."

"Wait!" This is so much. What have I gotten into? "What's my side of the deal? Familiars don't usually work like that!"

At least Penny said they didn't…

"You, Simon Snow Salisbury, and honestly could your name have more 'S's? Agreed to a contract with me when you finished the familiar ritual, as would be the same case in making any demon your familiar."

"Wait, so that's it? I sold my soul and we didn't even talk about it?" Surely someone should have said something, right? Penny wouldn't have stood there and let me sell my soul in the middle of the class, would she? She knows how little I know about this stuff! She would definitely warn me about potential soul-selling if she thought it would happen…

Baz (I'm glad he introduced himself but how the fuck did he know my name?) looks startled and offended at my question. "What no, I would have discussed that kinda serious information, no. You agreed to sustain me since you're continually summoning me for a long term period of time."

"Oh." I guess that's fair, if I'd summoned a different creature it would pretty much go without saying that I'd have to feed it, so I guess I can why he wouldn't have thought to tell me this before, it's information someone summoning a demon ought to know already.

"So like, do you feed on magic? Raw meat? The souls of the innocent? I'm not exactly well versed in demon biology."

Baz huffs out a laugh, "Yeah, I gathered. No, none of that, every demon is a bit different. For most, food, as you'd normally consume it, is usually enough. And I can and do need to eat that too… but, well for demons of specific sins, you could say their diets are a bit more selective… for example demons of wrath require blood on a fairly regular basis… most are only satisfied by the blood of their enemies but their master blood will do in a pinch… and lust demons… well.."

He trails off meaningfully, but I'm still stuck on the idea of letting a demon drink my blood, they couldn't take it all, that would violate their contract with me, so it'd be pretty safe… and it actually sounds kinda appealing in a way…

Unintentionally the image of Baz's mouth at my throat, sharp fangs piercing my skin and warm tongue following to soothe the bite, flows into my mind.

Baz, still laying on my bed, suddenly perks up. "Yeah, that!" He nods, and it's confusing enough to snap my attention back to him and not my imagination. "Lust demons feed on sexual energy, yours or anyone else's, but it's more effective if it's directed at the demon and not just a general feeling of horniness… I was gonna tell you I could do the blood instead since I fall right on the line in between the two categories, but it seems like this won't be a problem after all."

I flush, I hadn't thought the idea of being bitten by Baz **_was_ ** a sexually charged thought… but… well, it doesn't matter. Of course, I'm sexually attracted to a **_lust_ ** demon. It's probably not even me, it's probably weird sexy demon magic bullshit…

Whatever, I push it onto my list of things not to think about. 

For better or worse, I have Baz now. No matter what happens, he's the only person who can't abandon me… and I get the feeling that, as serious as he was talking about demon contracts, even the Mage expelling me wouldn't make Baz leave…

It's reassuring at least.

"Alright, it's been a long and shitty day, get off my bed so I can sleep."

"You want me to 'get off'?" Baz laughs, even as he stands up. "You know, you should share with me, most people summon pet-like familiars so they didn't give you a second bed for our room."

"Our room?"

"Well, of course, I'm staying here with you… as close as possible, wouldn't want you to feel abandoned." I can hear the grin in his voice even though I can't see it, flopped face-first on my bed.

"They'll give us a bed if I ask, just remind me in the morning." I sigh.

"Oh? And what about tonight? Shouldn't you share the bed with me… I promise I won't bite… not unless you say please." He purrs.

"Share the bed with you?" I hiss. "Like Hell."

  
  



	2. The First Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, there's more! 
> 
> If there's anything I should add to the tags please let me know. :)

SIMON

I end up oversleeping, I've been alone in my room so long (finally gotten used to the silence) and so I was too aware of Baz being there. 

Eventually, his quiet breathing lulled me to sleep, but as a result, I woke up much later than usual. I rush to get dressed, (fuck my tie!) and all the while Baz stands there looking bored… guess I should just be thankful he didn't make any comments about me changing in front of him. (I don't have time for that…) And after watching me struggle he does end up helping with my tie… so maybe he's not all bad…

I run down the stairs at full speed (fuck Baz and his wings, gracefully flying behind me…) I almost fall a couple of times and Baz asks if I'm "trying to end our contract early"...

I wanna believe it comes from a place of concern, but he sounds so irritated when he asks, so I give him the two-finger salute and inform him that breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

Unfortunately, by the time I reach the Dining Hall breakfast is over, there's no food left sitting out and I have to head to class to avoid being late to that too.

I hate missing breakfast, or any of the meals at Watford, because it's the only place I've lived in where eating wasn't a conditional thing. And most of the care homes, **_if_ ** there was enough food, it was still a struggle to eat. It was only  **_if_ ** I had been good, **_if_ ** I was there before the others,  **_if_ ** I was strong enough to keep other hands off my plate, the list went on…

At Watford, all I had to do was be on time, and I was always more than happy to get there early, some days I could manage second and third helpings, something impossible in the care homes… 

Baz doesn't comment on my foul mood, but he doesn't have to, my stomach growls loudly and I get glared at for disrupting class all morning… besides, Baz is too busy to pick on me… he's been flirting all morning…

In Magic Words, once he's maybe his jokes and his offers to my classmates he strolls right on up to Ms. Possibelf and asks if there's " **_any way_ ** he could earn me some extra credit"... After that, I ordered him to knock it off…

It doesn't matter much, I'm too worked up as it is. I hate being hungry, it reminds me of the care homes and being a miserable orphan, and it reminds me that I get to go back to it in the summer… maybe sooner if the Mage expels me… 

And for longer if I can't come back… it makes me feel like I missed out on my last meal and now all I have to look forward to is the gallows… it's just this feeling of dread hanging over me…

I mess up every spell in class, even the easier ones I thought I'd finally mastered, and I can tell everyone is disappointed with me… all I ever am is a letdown…

Baz watches quietly, the only one who doesn't back up when it looks like the sparks I'm making are gonna catch fire… I don't know if I find it reassuring or concerning… is he planning to not abandon me even if I set myself on fire? Or does he actually believe I won't?

After lunch, I feel a bit better, although neither Penny nor Agatha is there to join me… I don't know why, and it stresses me out a bit again… are they already leaving me behind? Do they think the Mage is gonna expel me too, are they finally cutting their losses?

Baz must think now that I've eaten something I'll be in a better mood, cause he goes right back to acting up… it might actually help a bit, not that he's acting bratty, but that he's not treating me like I'm falling apart anymore…

In Greek, our minotaur teacher, Minos asks me all these questions about translations… I don't know what he's hoping for, and letters swim on my page and I can't make heads or tails of it… 

Eventually, at the end of his rope I guess, Minos asks Baz if  **_he_ ** knows any Greek…

I know when I see the smirk stretch across his face he's gonna say something shitty…

Maybe he does? He says, "ένας ταύρος ε;

λοιπόν, πρέπει να σε πάρω από τα κέρατα και-..." 

And I have no idea what he's saying but Minos cuts him off with a firm "No." And then rounds on me and says, "That's quite enough. Snow, keep your familiar under control or it's a month's detention!"

He turns back to the board and starts writing, and for a moment I think that's the end of it…

And then Baz leaned over and whispered to me, "Hey, Snow, how do you feel about sharing?" 

(He started calling me that when I asked him not to call me master, he knows I meant for him to call me Simon, he's just being a brat.)

I glanced at him, confused, "Like food? I don't usually like to, and I finish everything I get so there's not ever anything  **_to_ ** share…"

He rolled his eyes, "No, that's not what I was asking about." 

I don't ask, and he doesn't explain… I wish he'd at least tell me what he said in Greek…

If he's that good at it maybe he could help me?

Later, in Magical Chemistry, I'm doing my best to brew the potion like the directions say… I like this class, not that I'm any good at it either, but it's calming to cut ingredients into neat rows and boil big cauldrons full of sweet-smelling liquids… 

It's only when I set the knife down and begin crushing up flowers with the mortar and pestle that I feel Baz's tail, just the tip, slowly rub up against my leg right to my inner thigh…

I can't help but immediately wonder how it would feel if I let it keep going, and it's that thought more than anything that makes me grab his tail and tug it in anger.

I wish he'd stop making me feel like this, it's so confusing… and then he leans over me, right next to my ear, and moans, "Oh yeah, pull harder."

That voice was-

I'm so startled I try to fling myself away from him and knock over the cauldron. 

I don't even think about it, I just start swearing, this day has been such a mess and I fucking hate it. The teacher starts yelling at me and I just feel like I'll explode.

It's all Baz's fault…

By dinner time I'm convinced Baz is the most annoying creature in the world.

Until Penny walks in.

She's covered in sparkles from the frizzy mess of her purple hair to the tips of her pointed shoes… one of her socks is sagging around her ankle and the other is still pulled up to her knee… 

Penny's always a bit messy, but it's never been this bad…

"Wanna trade familiars?" She groans, though we both know we can't.

Baz grins at her, a look of pure trouble, "I'd be more than happy to visit, if Snow allows it, I've sworn to never leave him, and I can't go back on my word, but it seems it's still a toss-up on if he's okay with sharing."

I freeze up. "That's what you meant?" I hiss. And with the minotaur? What?

But at the same time, Penny runs her eyes up and down Baz and declares, "Not interested."

Baz blinks and then laughs, "No, you aren't. I see. Then I guess I'll return to giving all my attention to Snow."

I feel, more than see, him reaching out to me, "Keep your hands to yourself." I grunt as I pick my sandwich back up.

"I wish I could trade you, Penny," I tell her earnestly.

"I wish you could too. A familiar that respects when you don't wanna be touched? Sounds lovely…"

I frown, thinking about it, I guess I assumed Baz had to do what I said as my familiar, but maybe that's more of a demon thing?

Penny's not done though, her rant is clearly only beginning.

"Did you know pixies are vegan? They mostly drink nectar like hummingbirds, so all day she's whined about me not feeding her well enough! It's not my fault the only spell to conjure that stuff is to cast  **Fill 'er up!** on a hummingbird feeder… and Watford doesn't have any… am I just supposed to create a new spell at the drop of a hat?"

I don't point out that Penny loves challenges and would actually probably really enjoy having to create new spells at the drop of a hat.

"And the biggest thing! Her name is Trixie! A pixie named Trixie! It's ridiculous!"

"Well, to other pixies it's probably not a big deal… I mean, it'd be like being a human named Newman or a boy named Roy, it's there… but not many people are gonna notice…" I try to assure her.

She seems almost pacified before Baz chimes in, "Or a demon called semen."

Penny shoots him a look I recognize from her mother, the "how dare you say something so inappropriate at the dinner table" look (one she's, thankfully, never directed at me… although my mouth is usually too full to say anything bad…)

Undeterred Baz keeps grinning at her, "No? Too on the nose?" A pause and then he giggles. "On the nose! Get it? Like when you take a-..." 

"Stop!" I interrupt. "Eat your food quietly."

Baz does. But anytime we look at him he wiggles his eyebrows and winks. 

I'm still waiting for the Mage to talk for me, if anything I'm more convinced than ever being bound to Baz is gonna get me expelled. Like I wasn't causing enough trouble on my own…

He certainly hasn't helped, I don't think I've made it through a single class today without some kinda incident. 

I just wanna go to bed. Once I drag myself up all the stairs to our room in the tower I'm hit with a realization…

I forgot to ask about a bed for Baz… fuck.

I flop on the bed face first again, regretting every life decision that led me to this moment. "Will you act better tomorrow if I let you share the bed?"

Baz seems to consider it. "Suppose I could."

"Fine," I sigh, "Please remind me tomorrow about your bed."

"Of course, Snow." 

"Please stop calling me Snow."

"Oh, back to master?"

"No."

"My beloved  **_dic_ ** tator?"

"No." I groan.

"My most important  **_ass_ ** et?"

"You know what, Snow is fine."

"Are you sure, I thought of a bunch when I was standing here awake all night?"

"I'm sorry!" I insist.

"Hmmm… not good enough. Maybe if you promise not to do that again."

"Okay! I won't, I promise never to make you stay up all night without a bed."

Baz frowns but then nods, "It's a start." He declares, flopping onto the bed with me.

"What else do you want?"

"Well…" Baz hums, considering, "an apology blow-job would go a long way."

I shove him away, "I'm not putting anything in my mouth!"

"What about in my mouth, I bet you taste as good as you smell." Baz's voice is all husky and silk in the dark, tempting like the demon he is. 

"No, shut up before I change my mind about sharing the bed."

Neither one of us mention that Baz is wide awake now, there's no reason to say it aloud when we both know, instead, Baz grins and snuggles deeper into the blankets.

"I'm here if you change your mind."

I don't say I won't, I just bury my head under my pillow… tomorrow, Baz is getting his own bed. 

  
  
  



	3. The First Smile and The First Lie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tragic past incoming!
> 
> Look out Baz! It's gonna get you!
> 
> ...opps, he didn't duck quick enough...

SIMON

It takes the Mage three more days to call me to his office, by then the whole school is gossiping about my familiar. I feel sick as I climb the Weeping Tower with Baz, there's almost nothing worse than the anxious feeling of knowing you're in trouble and being made to wait days and days for punishment.

I'm barely keeping myself under control and I can tell, despite Baz trying to act indifferent, that my panicking demeanor is putting him on edge. He's got a blank face, but I can see the way his tail is thrashing and his hands keep twitching into fists…

I force myself to take a deep breath before I open the door. No matter how poorly this goes it'll at least be less stressful when it's over…

The Mage doesn't bother to look up from his paperwork until I'm sitting in front of his desk, and even then he doesn't give me a proper greeting, just cuts straight in with, "So that's it huh?"

He looks at Baz over the top of my head, his expression full of disgust and disappointment. I start trying to apologize, a difficult thing to do when I'm not even entirely sure why I should be sorry… I mean, I get Baz isn't a very heroic familiar, but he's definitely not the evil demon I thought he was… he's just a brat.

I'm stumbling through my explanation, my defense of Baz not being all bad, when the Mage (still looking past me) makes a face I've never seen on him… it's so startling I stop mid-sentence to look behind me, but Baz looks just the same, maybe more tense?

I look back at the Mage, hoping for an explanation, but he just growls out, "Wicked creature." And glares at Baz.

For a moment I think I hear Baz say, "I could say the same about you." But no one reacts so I think maybe I imagined it.

The Mage finally looks at me, I almost wish he wasn't, the dread of failing him fills me once again. He starts on his lecturing, a bunch of stuff about expectations people have for us and the things I do reflecting back on him since I'm his heir… 

I sink further and further into my chair… I hate this, I wish I was a better mage, someone he could be proud of instead.

Eventually Baz tugs on my sleeve, "Can I go outside?" He asks.

I'm so distracted I just wave him away with a quick, "Sure, go do whatever you want."

It's not until he's left the office, and the Mage has finished his speech that I really think about what I just did.

Why the fuck did I think it was okay to give a **_demon_ **permission to do "whatever" he wants… fuck I'm an idiot… I don't even need the Mage to tell me this time…

"Excuse me, sir, I have to go after him!" I hop up from my chair and race out the door, it didn't sound like I was getting expelled anyway, just more of the same "You're an embarrassment to me and everyone is gonna look down on us because of you"... Not ideal, but it could have been worse…

Finding Baz is the priority… For the last several days I've been leading him around school as I needed to for my classes, but he always followed me around without much fuss… He never expressed any desire to go anywhere in particular, so I don't know where to start…

As I rush around searching for him I feel my panic rise anew, he swore not to abandon me, so he **_has_ ** to come back, right?

But what if he doesn't?

It's not like we're all that close, or even that I think I'd miss him the way I'd miss Penny or Agatha if they left me, but… I think I was starting to trust that he really wouldn't leave…

I probably shouldn't have, I mean why would he stay? My biological parents didn't want me, none of the care homes wanted me and certainly, no one ever wanted to adopt me… I thought once that the Mage wanted me, but clearly, he regrets ever taking me in… and it's only a matter of time before Penny and Agatha move on to bigger and better things and leave me behind…

Everyone leaves, why did I think this would be any different?

I stop, I'm on the Great Lawn, there are still lots of places to look, but suddenly I don't feel any motivation to keep searching…

Besides, I'm sure I know what he's doing… he made it pretty clear with all his comments and suggestive remarks what he wants to do and I'm absolutely sure there was a good number of people to pick from, all wanting to take him up on it…

I flop down on the grass, I'm so fucking tired. I look up at the school, it's even impressive from this angle… a gleaming castle from a fairytale, the kinda place I could only ever dream of…

I wonder when I'll wake up?

I gaze around, taking it all in… Gareth is wheeling around his merman familiar Rhys and Penny is chasing after Trixie… who is trying to… eat the flowers? I don't even know…

Agatha is sitting under a tree with her familiar, they seem to be conversing in sign language. I guess that's why she's been so distant lately…

And then I'm here, all on my own… I wonder who Baz is with…

I glance back up at the school, and catch a flicker of bat wings through a window…

Baz!

I look closer at the window and see bookshelves… he's in the library!

I jump up and start sprinting into the school, no one tells me not to run in the halls so I reach the library in record time. It's only once I'm there that I wonder if I should really go in…

What if he's not alone…? I mean, he's probably not… and I don't really like the idea of going in and seeing him with someone else… or rather, I just don't wanna see that kinda thing at all!

But, if he wanted privacy there's plenty of other places to go, so if I walk in on anything it's his own fault!

I go in. The library is pretty deserted, but I guess that makes sense, most people are enjoying the nice weather and bonding with their familiars… so of course, the stuffy library is empty…

As I approach the back shelves I hear Baz talking, it's quiet, but with no other sounds to cover it up I hear him just fine…

"Fuck it's been so long, I haven't gotten to enjoy this in ages," He groans, voice low and gravely…

"I shouldn't even be doing this, but fuck it's so good!" He laughs, a soft genuine sound.

I don't hear his partner, but I can only imagine…

I jump around the corner, ready to yell… and Baz…

Baz is casually laying on the top of the bookcase… reading…

"What…?" I'm at a loss for words.

Baz goes bright red, actually looking embarrassed although I'm not sure why… cause he was talking to himself?

"Look, just, shut up." He huffs. "There aren't any libraries in Hell… it's too hot and the paper bursts into flames… I just… I missed some of the classics…"

I shrug, my go-to when I don't know what to say, and then because I know that's not enough I manage, "That's cool, we can start coming to the library more often… it'll probably thrill Penny."

He grins at me, and I can't breathe for a second… it was never a question, I **_knew_ ** he was fit… but smiling at me so happily he really seems… 

I shake the thought away, it doesn't matter, he's a lust demon, I'm sure everyone finds him attractive.

We stand there for a bit, quietly, and then he asks, "So, are you ready for your test in Greek?"

"Oh, fuck me." I hiss, I'd forgotten all about it.

Baz starts to climb down from his perch, "If you insist, but I always thought our first time should be special… like, maybe not in a public place," He lets out a thoughtful hum. "I mean, I guess I don't blame you, some of these books can really work people up…"

"Shut up, I didn't mean it." I pout. "Help me study for my test?"

He laughs, "Είσαι ηλίθιος, αλλά είσαι χαριτωμένος. Ελπίζω να ζήσεις για μεγάλο χρονικό διάστημα."

Fuck, I don't know what that means… I'm gonna fail my test.

BAZ

Simon looks lost, that's good, I definitely said more than I should have. I know better… I can't help it though… 

On the one hand, I don't want to stay bound to him, but on the other, I don't wanna go back to Hell any time soon… I kinda wish he'd live to the ripe old age of a hundred and twenty… but humans are so fragile… I'd be surprised if this idiot made it to thirty honestly…

I keep laughing at him, even as he shoots me the v-sign and flops down at a table to study on his own… he's pouting...

I won't help, we aren't friends… I don't do that kinda thing anymore, attachments are just anchors weighing you down… and I'm not gonna drown for anyone else again...

We aren't friends… I can't let myself forget that… 

We both know he summoned me on accident, if they had given him a do-over he would have taken it without a second thought… 

He doesn't actually want me here, he's just scared of being alone… and me? I'm not good enough to leave him, just some filthy whore, so it's safe to keep me around, I've got nowhere better to be…

I'm just better than nothing… so nothing's changed really.

I sit down with him and lay my head on the table, I don't close my eyes though…

For all my bitching I don't actually want to sleep… demons don't dream really, they just remember…

And I don't want to remember.

But I always will. I stare into the surface of the table, but I don't see it anymore, instead, I see dark blue nails and pretty red lips curving into a smile fit for a demon…

She wasn't one, not really, but she could have fooled me…

I'm glad I haven't run into her in Hell… I don't think I'd be able to kill her again…

~~_"Still thinking about me, pet?"_ ~~

I clench my eyes shut, and breathe in the smell of old books and Snow's increasing frustration… she isn't here and she's not coming back…

People like her? They get sent so many rings down they never see the light of day again…

Still, my skin crawls… I want to go shower…

It won't really make me feel clean, nothing does, and I don't think anything ever will… 

The fire certainly didn't burn away her touch from my skin…

"You okay?" Snow asks suddenly.

…

"Yeah, of course," I laugh, "Why are you so interested in me…? Did you change your mind after all? The Greek get you all worked up? I'm not surprised, there are some **_very_ **juicy Greek myths…"

Snow throws one of his books at me, he misses by a mile, but I don't think he was actually aiming for my face.

"Why do you have to ruin every nice moment we have." He huffs.

Because I can't let us get any closer than this, obviously… I've learned the hard way what happens when I have too many weaknesses to protect… 

It's just easier to break things on my own than to wait for someone else to do it for me.

~~_"Are you the type of person who keeps their favorite toy in a box and keeps it safe, or the type to play with it until it breaks?"_ ~~

~~_"Me, I'd rather break it with my own two hands… I'd be really mad if someone else broke it first."_ ~~


	4. The First Bite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Breakfast is the most important meal of the day

BAZ

As I'm dragging myself down the stairs behind Snow, too tired to fly, I finally have to acknowledge that this isn't working…

I **_told_ ** him I needed more than just human food to survive… and I guess I understand him being a bit of a prude… but I'm gonna die at this rate, or rather, not die (I can't die again…) but well… it's not good.

Too much more of this and I'll collapse, and past that… I'll have to return to Hell to recover my energy, voiding my contract with Snow... 

I feel fucking awful and pissed off, so Snow is gonna get a lecture on the proper care and feeding of demons. 

  
  


SIMON

I have three sour cherry scones wedged in my mouth when Baz says, in the middle of the Dining Hall, "Snow, I'm gonna need you to wank more often."

Agatha, who finally came to sit with us again, promptly gathers her things and leaves while I'm choking. And Penny just starts laughing, the traitor.

"What the fuck Baz?"

Baz actually looks confused at Agatha's retreating back, "Was it something I said?"

"Yes!" I shout, Penny just starts making this wheezing sound… I'd be more concerned but I'm too focused on Baz.

"You can't just say stuff like that in the middle of breakfast!"

"But it's about me needing to be fed, it's directly related to food!" He argues, and then adds (completely unnecessarily, if you ask me), "Besides, you're starting to stink of sexual frustration, you need a good wank anyway."

"Alright, that's enough!" I grab Baz and start dragging him back to our room, I'm not having this talk in public and Baz seems not to understand what he can and can't say in front of crowds of students…

It's as I'm dragging him up the stairs that I start to notice he seems weaker than before, lethargic… he isn't even flying…

Oh… maybe I haven't been taking good care of him…

Once we are in the room I sit down on my bed and look at him, "Okay, so, more clearly then… the dummy's guide to demon care version, what do you need from me?"

"I think I was clear the first time, but okay. I need sexual energy, your five-second fantasies about me before you frantically try to think about something else isn't cutting it. You aren't satisfying either of us like that."

I don't try to argue, he's made it pretty clear he knows more about what goes on in my head than I'd like… so instead, "Okay, so what should I do?"

"Wank." He says bluntly. "Technically you don't have to think about me but I get more energy if you do… otherwise we can go the blood route, but even if we do I still think you should wank, you carry too much stress on your shoulders, you need to relax."

I let out a sigh of relief, "Okay, yeah I pick the blood."

"Of course you do, you fucking masochist." Baz sighs, "Whatever, please wank later then."

I don't say anything to that, it's awkward and I don't wanna think about it anymore. Besides, Baz climbs into my lap and then I'm not thinking anything… (well, I am, but nothing I'd admit to thinking about…)

"What are you doing?" I hiss. 

"Killing two birds with one stone. I'm gonna drink your blood **_and_ **give you something to wank about later." 

It's the only warning I get before he threads his fingers into my hair and tilts my head to the side. He wiggles just an inch or two closer on my lap (I try my best to ignore how it feels) and then I feel his breath against my neck…

I'm immediately thrown back into my first half-baked fantasy about Baz at my throat… why didn't I picture him on my lap?

Baz's tongue, warm and wet, drags up against my pulse, and then sharp fangs pierce through… it hurts, but I can't say I don't like it... 

Baz drinking my blood actually doesn't feel that bad, he makes these sweet little sighs into my neck and every lick and swallow sounds so obscene my brain can't seem to help but picture it lower...

Almost absentmindedly Baz shifts in my lap, too engrossed with my blood to be paying much attention… but it's that little bit of movement that makes me realize I'm hard.

I shove Baz off my lap and run to the bathroom.

…

When I come out Baz is still sitting on the floor where I shoved him, but his cheeks have more color to them and he looks unbearably smug.

"Shut the fuck up, I'm gonna be late to class!" I growl, already stomping out of the room.

Baz is silent all the trek down the stairs and across the Great Lawn… he doesn't say a word as we walk into the main building and I think of a moment maybe he won't say anything at all…

Until I take my seat in Magic Words and he leans over to whisper, "You've got a spring in your step now, guess I was right, huh? You feel much better now, right?"

"Shut up," I whine as quietly as I can. 

Baz clicks his tongue, unimpressed, "Not even a thank you, so rude. I mean where's your appreciation? 'Thanks for the good advice Baz' or 'Thanks for the A+ spank bank material Baz' or maybe just 'Thanks for not commenting on how quickly-'... "

"Shut. Up." I growl.

He does, but he smirks at me throughout the whole class period.

  
  


BAZ

The combination of Snow's blood and lust are a heady mixture… I feel like I've had a gallon of coffee and Adderall pumped straight into my veins… 

Maybe it's because I'm laser-focused on Snow but as we go through his classes together I start to notice a pattern…

He reads and rereads the textbooks, I watch him do it, but then he writes down the wrong answer, and in Magical Chemistry (seriously, just call it fucking Potions you guys, no one is gonna tell Snape…) he reads the recipe closely, but still starts to pick up the wrong things…

"Hey Snow?" 

"What?" He huffs, probably expecting the worst.

"If I tell you a spell to try on your textbook, will you trust me and give it a shot?"

He blinks at me, curious, but doesn't answer.

Well, whatever, I've got his attention at least. "Only in darkness can you see the stars."

He tries to raise his eyebrow, but raises both instead. I don't back down, just keep staring at him.

He shrugs and then casts on his textbook, almost immediately the pages turn pitch black, however, the text turns bright white.

Snow stares at it for a moment before looking back at me, "The words aren't swimming off the page anymore…"

"Yeah, white text on black backgrounds are a lot easier for people with vision problems or dyslexia to read…"

He looks back to his book, then up at me, then back to his book, somehow more confused now. I shrug.

"It didn't seem like you were stupid or not paying attention, it just looked like you couldn't read the books very well and it was frustrating you to get things wrong when you were trying so hard…"

  
  


SIMON

I don't say anything to Baz. I just finish my work…

My potion comes out great today, and the teacher praises me for it.

I look back at my books, suddenly so much easier to read… has that really been the problem this whole time… could someone paying me more attention have spotted this earlier and saved me years of feeling stupid?

I think back to all the times the Mage yelled at me for doing poorly in my classes and fight back frustrated tears.

I glance over at Baz, he's full of energy now and flying around the room looking at other people working on the potion still… (I don't think I've ever finished class early, not without being sent out...)

Quietly, and only to myself, I decide that even though Baz can be obnoxious he seems to have my back when it counts…

…

At lunch, Agatha comes back, on the condition no one comments about this morning at breakfast… 

Which, great, if we never talk about it again it'll be too soon. 

As we eat I can't help but glance between Baz and Agatha… 

When he met Penny, despite immediately respecting she wasn't interested in him (can he smell that kinda thing too?), Baz was so quick to start hitting on her…

The longer lunch goes on the more aware I am of his lack of comments to Agatha…

What does it mean?

Finally, Baz turns to face me, "What is it, Snow? You look all worked up again."

I glare at him for a moment, trying to silently communicate that I don't want any more jokes about the incident this morning. 

Baz stares at me and then looks to Penny, "I'm confused, what did I do this time?"

Penny looks up from her book ("1001 ways to discipline your pixie") and immediately catches the way I keep glancing at Agatha.

"Oh, I guess Simon is waiting to see you try to put the moves on his ex-girlfriend."

Baz **_finally_ **seems to notice Agatha sitting beside him. "Oh, hey." He gives a tiny wave. 

Then he turns back to his food…

"That's it?" I demand.

Baz blinks at me and gives me a smile I'd almost mistake for sweet except that I know better. 

"Of course, as long as you keep me as satisfied as this morning I have no need to seek out anyone else."

Penny and Agatha both look at me, equal parts curious and horrified.

"Goddamnit Baz!"

"What? You did so well, in the future it'd be nice if you built up your stamina more, but it was really good for the first time."

"Baz! You're giving them the wrong idea!"

"What, I'm trying to praise you! You've never had to satisfy a lust demon before, it's actually pretty **_hard_ ** and it takes a **_long_ ** while, but once you tried **_your hand_ **at it you managed just fine…"

"I fucking hate you so much."

Even with my head pressed into the table, I can hear Penny's cackling laugh and Agatha groan that "I thought we weren't gonna talk about this morning"...

Yeah, I thought we weren't either.

"Keep it up Baz," Penny manages around her laughter. "And you're gonna be in trouble."

"Yeah? Do you think Snow will spank me?" He asks, but he sounds excited.

"Baz, you should stop, you're digging your own grave here." I hiss.

  
  


BAZ

I'm back in the hole, it's raining, every bit of my clothing is sticking to me…

The shovel slips from my hands again, between the rain and my bleeding palms it's too slick to hang onto…

I don't know what will happen if I stop digging…

I don't know why I'm digging, I don't know if this is gonna be a grave for me or one of the others… 

I stopped crying hours ago, no one is coming to help me…

I lift the shovel again, but I'm so tired and sore, I slide in the mud trying to bring the shovel back down…

I'm laying in the mud, soaked in rain, eyes too dried up to keep crying and palms too bloody to keep digging… and I wonder…

Is anyone planning to get me out of this hole, or is this how I die?

I don't hear it at first, the rain is so loud, but I see her when she leans over the hole…

Red lips and blue nails, pale white skin, and pitch-black clothes, her umbrella covers her eyes from my view, but I know what look I'm getting…

~~_"Are you going to behave now, pet?"_ ~~

…

"Baz?"

I blink, and suddenly I'm back at the table… Snow is looking at me, concerned maybe?

"I'm fine, just got lost in thought…" I assure him.

"Thoughts about what?" Penny asks, her eyes are sharp… I'm sure she has her guesses, though I doubt any of them are close to the truth… still, it's not like I'm telling her about it.

"Ah, you know, just wondering if Snow is gonna treat me to something even better when we go back to our room tonight…"

"Baz! Shut up!" Snow groans. 

The subject gets changed and the talking goes on without me…

I stare down at the table, thinking, it's been a while since the memories got this bad…

Maybe I should take up drinking again…?

~~_"You can wash the taste of me from your tongue, pet. But you'll never drink enough to drown out my voice in your head."_ ~~

… or maybe I'll go back to smoking… there's something kinda soothing about putting the cigarettes out on my skin…


	5. The First Mission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: *checking my writing with Grammarly*
> 
> Grammarly : you use "really" and "actually" too much
> 
> Me: well that's really actually how people talk, so fuck you

BAZ

It's probably not something I have to hide, it's not as though Snow, despite getting along with me now, **_really_ **cares what I do…

But I still wait until he's asleep to go outside and smoke, and I still make sure to put my cigarettes out on skin that won't show in the morning… (not that I can scar anymore, I guess, but the urge to hide it is still strong…)

I don't want to admit it, the same way I didn't want to admit I needed more from Snow before we worked out our new routine, but I think I'm getting worse…

I've never really been summoned for anything long term… it's usually quick tasks: fuck this person or kill these people and then right back to Hell… rinse and repeat…

For a lust demon with enough rage to be a demon of wrath this made sense to me…

Whether it was to kill what my master wanted dead or have sex with what my master wanted fucked, it was quick jobs… easy jobs where I never had to think too hard about much of anything and then right back to Hell…

And, for all its faults, it's easy to pretend I was never anything but a demon when I'm in Hell…

Here… with Snow… and all the other students and teachers… it feels like a life I could have lived…

If things had been different…

But more than that, the memories are pouring in more and more…

Yesterday I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror and her voice came flooding in like she was right there…

~~_"You're so pretty, pet… How shall I play with you today?"_ ~~

I nearly smashed the mirror, just on instinct…

I keep hearing her voice, more and more, and I hate it so much…

I don't know what I have to do to be rid of it…

I mean, I know perfectly well she's dead… I know perfectly well I'm the reason she is… I know perfectly well I'm dead too…

~~I know perfectly well I'm the reason for that too…~~

So why won't she just shut up and stay dead? What must I do to kill her, even in my memories?

I sigh in equal parts pain and relief as I press the latest cigarette into the skin of my thigh… there's something morbidly soothing about the smell and feeling of my skin burning…

It reminds me that it's over…

I burned that whole awful place to the ground, ~~with me and all those monsters trapped inside~~ ~~,~~ and I never have to go through any of that again…

I climb back up the stairs, back into my shared room… Snow is sleeping peacefully and all the monsters in my head have gone back to ash for now… 

Everything is okay…

I climb into my bed, and then quickly realize I'm gonna get bored…

I don't need to sleep, and I don't really want to anyway… the same with sitting up and thinking… but there's not really anything else to do while I wait for morning…

I could watch Snow sleep…?

I glance over at him, he's tossing and turning now, whining quietly…

A nightmare maybe?

I think about waking him up for a moment, but he doesn't seem **_that_ ** distressed… 

He's grumbling gibberish in his sleep now, so I think his dream is more irritating than scary…

"What should I do Snow?" I ask, I don't really expect any answers, but talking to him is better than talking to myself I suppose…

"Go fuck yourself…" Snow growls in his sleep, before rolling onto his stomach, whatever else he says is mumbled into his pillow.

…

"You know what? When you're right, you're right Snow." I say, more to myself than to him as I reach a hand into my pants.

"This is a much better use of my time than dwelling on shit that's done and in the past…"

I sneak another glance at him, he's still on his stomach and with his blankets kicked off and at the foot of his bed, his ass looks particularly inviting… I've already got a firm grip on myself, and a hundred other people I could think of but...

"You don't mind if I think of you right?" I ask him, I wait a moment in the dark and then shrug to myself. "Didn't hear a no…"

SIMON

I wake up in a foul mood… all night in my dreams Baz was annoying me, and even in my dreams I couldn't think of anything witty to say to him…

I've never been any good with words and Baz never seems to run out of sassy comebacks… it's irritating even in my dreams…

Real-Baz seems pleased with himself too, like he knows somehow… though it's hard to be mad at him, he's seemed off recently, lost in his head a lot…

I'm kinda happy to see him in a better mood… I was starting to get worried.

I nearly suggested he just stop thinking about stuff the way I do, but I figured he'd just make shitty comments about me having an empty head…

Besides, we aren't really close, he helps me with my homework occasionally… like, when he's bored… and I give him blood and… occasionally wank… it's still uncomfortable, but Baz doesn't let me go too long without it… 

He'll complain about my smell ("If I wanted to smell internalized homophobia and sexual repression I'd go visit a Catholic Church" He'll say… I don't really get it…) and usually, if I ignore it past his regular bitching he'll go out of his way to do things that work me up until I **_have_ ** to go wank…

I'd call him a jerk for it… but… I don't even think that would make sense… like, he's not really doing anything bad…? I mean, I blow up a lot less in class and I think it might be connected to the fact I'm "blowing off steam" more…

I guess more than anything I don't like he can make me do whatever he wants, it feels like he's got me wrapped around his finger and I want to punch him for it… just a bit…

I think I'd prefer it the other way around, Baz doing what I want, giving in to me the way I can't seem to fight him… but picturing Baz being more submissive makes me think of other things…

And I don't fancy dealing with a smug Baz all day, so I shove the thoughts into the back of my mind and move on.

We eat breakfast together, Penny and Agatha are with us too, and I feel like… for as weird as this is (being friendly with a demon and all) it's rather nice…

Makes it a little extra shitty when the Mage calls for me…

BAZ

"Do you think he's mad at me?" Snow asks as we make our way toward the Weeping Tower. (I don't blame the tower, poor sad thing that it is, if I had the Mage inside me, all I'd be known for is weeping too…)

"Why would he be mad at you?" I ask, trying not to roll my eyes, I know how serious this is to Snow. "You've been doing better in all your classes lately, maybe he's calling you in to tell you he's proud of you or something… I don't know, whatever the fuck dads do…"

Snow frowns, "He's not my dad, Baz. I mean, he took me in and adopted me… but he's not…" He trails off.

What? But they're-...

Whatever, it's probably not my place to say anything.

"Fair enough… with a mustache like that? I wouldn't wanna call him 'daddy' either."

"Ew, Baz! That's gross!"

"I know, he looks like the villain from an old black and white cartoon, I'm surprised he's not off tying a pretty damsel to railroad tracks as we speak."

Snow gives me a blank look, "What are you talking about?"

I go to answer him, but we're already at the door to the Mage's office… better to just get this over with.

Unsurprisingly, the Mage glares at me when we walk in… guess he's still pissy about the stunt I pulled last time…

Snow sits down at the Mages desk and I lean against the wall, keeping my back to the corner… looking casual but keeping a full view of the room, I don't trust the Mage, and Snow's constant need to stay on the man's good side puts me on red alert…

It feels like her, and I hate it… 

But I'll burn this place down too before I let anyone else go through that bullshit like I had to…

I'm so lost in thought I barely notice their talk wrap up, suddenly Snow is up and leading me out of the office…

"What did he want?" I ask.

Snow looks at me, his goofy face, trying to raise one eyebrow and failing. "You weren't listening?"

"Shockingly enough, no, it's almost like I don't care about the Mage at all…" 

SIMON

"Well," I start, "you didn't miss much, just another mission he wants me to go on." 

Baz raises an eyebrow but doesn't say anything, clearly, he's curious but he won't ask, he'd rather pretend he's bored.

I roll my eyes, but still explain, "The Mage is pretty convinced I'm the most powerful mage alive right now, in spite of all my screw-ups, and so he sends me off to do tasks for him occasionally… I think he's hoping the other members of the Coven or the Old Families will take notice and… I don't know? Be impressed maybe?"

Baz hums, thoughtful, "Okay, so what task does he want you to do this time then?"

"Well…" I brace myself, Baz is gonna hate this, I was already surprised he didn't kick up a fuss at the Mage, but I guess that was just because he wasn't listening…

"Well?"

"He said now that I have a powerful demon familiar, even if you're 'just a lust demon' -his words, not mine- that I could handle harder jobs…"

"Okay, so I don't get to sit this one out, fine, what are we doing…"

"Well… he said it was mostly a test for me… but he's curious about your abilities too…"

"Uh-huh."

"And he wants to see if…"

"If?"

"If a lust demon trumps a siren… or like, thirty sirens…"

"Thirty?"

"Well, it's their lake so-"

"Snow, why does he need us to go to a lake full of sirens…"

"Well, he said there are some underwater plants that grow in the lake and he needs them for-"

"He wants you to go in the water?" Baz sounds pissed now.

"Erm… yes."

"Whatever, I'll deal with the sirens I guess." He sighs, "how are we getting there?"

"Um… walking?"

Baz looks unimpressed, but follows me when I start walking in the Wavering Wood. 

"The lake is here?" He asks. 

"No, but he said to talk to the dryads before leaving, they have something that might help us… I think?"

"Well, if you're sure." Baz laughs, "Ήξερα πάντα ότι θα ακολουθούσα έναν ηλίθιο σε έναν πρώιμο τάφο, αλλά υποθέτω ότι νόμιζα ότι θα ήμουν ερωτευμένος ..."

I'm doing better in Greek now, so I pick up on "idiot" and "early grave" but I decide to ignore it, Baz is always saying rude things to me.

BAZ

"Go fight against thirty sirens, Snow," I can picture the Mage saying, "Get in the lake too, swim around a bit, what are they gonna do? Drown you?"

Idiot…

But I guess I'm worse, cause I'm following him… Satan help me, I think I'd follow him anywhere… 

No! No I wouldn't! I'm not attached to him… I'm just… 

I like the way he looks, he's handsome… I'm just a sucker for a pretty face, I'd lose interest if I actually fucked him…

I picture it, briefly, Snow, under me… on top of me… flushed and sweaty… curls a mess and tangled around my fingers…

Oh yeah, I'd **_really_ ** enjoy fucking him… but I don't care about him past that… the sirens could drown him and I'd just be inconvenienced…

~~_"Oh pet, that's right! You know better than falling in love, after all, you've only ever been mine…"_ ~~

… Or fuck it, maybe I'll marry Snow, I think angrily, though what's the point of getting mad at the voice inside your own head?

Besides, what kinda idiot would marry a demon?

(I mean, the sex life would be amazing, but surely normal people weigh more pros and cons here?)

"Clumsy One!" A woman's voice calls out.

Predictably Snow is so startled he trips, "Oh! There are the dryads…"

SIMON

I don't know what I expected, Baz to like them? Them to like Baz? They don't even like me, and I can't summon Hellfire…

"Ah, I see you walk with a child of Satan… how very..." The dryad trails off meaningfully. Clearly implying an insult…

Baz turns up his nose, "Snow, I think this green bitch is judging me, can you believe that? She's trying to judge me when she reeks of mud and wild animals like some forest hippie…"

"Better than reeking of sulfur and cum…" The dryad hisses.

"Whatever, virgin, you're just mad no one wants you enough to come out to the woods, people want me bad enough to sell their souls…"

I shot Baz a look, "What he means is 'Hey, thanks for coming to see us, could you please lend us a thing to help us against thirty sirens?' "

The dryad doesn't even humor me with a response, just vanishes in a whirl of leaves…

"Good job, team." I huff full of sarcasm. "We didn't need whatever help they could have given us anyway, we've got so much combat experience, this would have been too easy with more help."

Baz rolls his eyes, "Look, I'm not sorry, but we'll be fine. You want the lake siren free for your swim, fine. I'll kill them all."

I stare at Baz, wide-eyed, "Can you actually do that?"

"Snow, I'm pretty good at killing things, why do you think I went to Hell?"

I keep walking behind Baz, but I really think about his words… I knew he'd gone to Hell, and I guess I knew that meant he'd done something to deserve it… but I'd never really thought much about it…

I believe Baz when he says he's killed before, but I don't believe he did it for no reason… 

I guess I don't know much about him… I don't like that much…

I want to know everything about him...


	6. The First Real Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear this was supposed to be a happy chapter when I started writing this...
> 
> I don't know what happened...

SIMON

It shouldn't even surprise me at this point, Baz is infuriatingly good at everything he sets his mind to, so of course, he can handle this too.

I've spelled myself deaf to the sirens, Baz had a great spell for it: "listening is the most dangerous thing of all", and even without being able to hear him it's clear the sirens aren't affecting him. He's walked up to the edge of their lake, but he still looks bored, not needy and desperate like if he'd fallen for their enchantment…

I told him I'd rather he didn't kill the sirens, it's their lake and technically they've not done anything to us (not that they aren't trying), even though I couldn't properly explain why it felt wrong to kill them Baz said he wouldn't…

It's stupid, but it makes me ridiculously happy that Baz is willing to listen to me and respect my wishes even when I don't make sense… I love Penny, but when she's on missions with me she always does what she feels is best, and it's helpful, sure, but it also feels like she doesn't trust my judgment…

I watch Baz from a safe distance, it looks like he's talking to the sirens, maybe trying for diplomacy…?

BAZ

"Listen up you soaking wet sluts," I growl. "I'm more than happy to spend the next several hours seeing if I can drown you again in your own shitty lake, but my… **_friend_ ** wants to do this peacefully… so…"

The sirens stop singing at me, it's clear to them it's not working.

"Look, your whole thing is making people desire you and pulling them into the water with you, I'm sorry no one has the lung capacity to eat you out, I'd be frustrated too, but now you're dealing with a lust demon… I'm a bit more durable. And I've been told the things I can do with my tongue are… sinful."

I've got their attention now, I can smell their lust, I suppose it's been a while for them… I grin wider, let the hunger show on my face, (at the moment it's a hunger to destroy, but I know they can't tell the difference…) I don't really want them… but I've done things I didn't really want to do before…

The sirens part before me, allowing me into the lake with them…

I take a deep breath, better get this over with…

~~_"Oh pet, you don't plan to enjoy it? I suppose I can't blame you, it'd be rather difficult to close your eyes and think of me when they don't know how to hurt you like I do… How to dig their nails into your skin, how to pull your hair… will anyone ever be able to make you feel like I did?"_ ~~

I hope not, I think to myself, if I spend the rest of eternity without encountering anyone else like her, I might actually believe God is merciful.

SIMON

When Baz sinks under the water with the sirens I'm alarmed, but he told me he'd handle things and I have to believe he meant it…

…

Hours go by, occasionally I see Baz surface to breathe before sinking back down, but it's not as often as a living person would need to…

…

Nightfalls and I'm cold and tired, I've nearly gone to jump in after Baz several times, but then he'll pop up for air and I'll see he's still okay… I'm ready to go home…

…

I don't remember falling asleep, but I wake up right away when Baz dumps an arm full of sopping wet plants on my face. It's way more than I was expecting to get.

"Come on Snow," He sighs, "let's go home."

I scoop the plants up and scramble to follow after him. I'm so curious now that I can hear again...

What did you say to them?" I ask. They cooperated more than I ever thought they would.

"It's not really what I said... Though I'll admit, my silver tongue came in handy..." Baz gives a casual sort of shrug and doesn't continue, like I'm supposed to know what he's getting at.

For a bit, we just keep walking. Then Baz stops and raises an eyebrow at me…

I'm still confused, and it must show on my face, Baz rolls his eyes but then makes a lewd gesture with his hand and his tongue.

"Oh!" 

I get it now...

"And they went for that?" I can't help asking.

"Unlike you, most people don't turn their nose up at what promises to be fantastic oral sex..." Baz laughs.

"...but they're sirens...?"

"They still have needs, what do you think they're trying to accomplish drowning people?"

"...um..." I never actually thought about it, I guess I thought they ate the people… maybe?

"Anyway, my mouth tastes fucking awful now, I need to suck a lot of dick to wash the taste out..." Baz groans.

"What the fuck Baz!"

"Just yours then? You never got back to me about the sharing thing..." He's started walking again but he looks back at me over his shoulder when he asks.

I keep following him but I make sure to scowl at him so he knows I'm not amused.

"Will you help me catch up on my homework when we get home?" I ask him.

Baz laughs, but nods, "Sure, honestly Snow… who else but you? Contracted to a lust demon and you ask for help with school work…"

"School's important!" I insist.

"It is." Baz acknowledges, "I just think it's kinda funny. You're a weird guy, but I think maybe I like it…"

"You like me?"

"I didn't say **_that_ **."

"Rude." I huff, but I'm grinning, he didn't say that, but he didn't deny it either. 

"I can say I at least prefer you to the sirens," Baz offers, "I'm perfectly content to never see them again, but if something happened to you I think I might care… I'd at least be really inconvenienced."

"Thanks man, I knew we had something special." I roll my eyes. 

"Ah, see, I think we might actually," Baz stops walking, he faces me completely. "I don't think anyone else has summoned me for my charming personality… and it's like… would I like to suck your dick? Oh, absolutely… but the fact that you would rather just… talk to me… it's kinda nice…"

It's probably the closest Baz has come to acknowledging he has feelings, but…

"I feel like this could have been a nice moment, but you brought up sucking dick again and made it weird…"

Baz shrugs, turning around and walking again. "I am what I am, Snow, there's no changing that."

"I know, I think I like you anyway… I mean, sometimes… when you let us be friends…"

Baz frowns, lagging behind me now, for a while he doesn't say anything…

I give up on expecting a response and keep walking…

Then, quietly, "I don't want friends…"

I don't say anything to that, I don't know where to start, so I just pretend it was too quiet for me to hear.

BAZ

We walk the rest of the way back in silence, and I almost feel bad about it, I don't know if I've ruined this or not… 

I'm not sure if I should still be trying to ruin it…

I told myself I didn't want friends anymore, no more weakness to be exploited…

But I don't know if that's true… 

Was I really stronger at the end when I had no one left? Or did I just give up?

If I'd had Snow then, would things have been different? Would Snow have been strong enough to change things?

~~_"Oh pet, asking "what if" is a fool's errand. You'll never_ **_really_ ** _know… but, if you like this boy as much as your old friends, you'd have still ended up the same way when I killed them…"_ ~~

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, I hate that she's in my head and I hate that she's probably right…

I need a cigarette as soon as Snow goes to sleep…

~~_"You know pet, I still can't decide when you looked prettiest… crying your eyes out as you promised me you'd do 'anything' I asked… or your empty smiling face when you lit the match… did you 'light a fire in your heart' that day? 'Cause to me it seemed your light went out completely… and you know how much I love broken toys…"_ ~~

**Shut up.**

I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.

~~_"Are you gonna burn yourself again? You know it's pathetic, don't you? You're still angry and lashing out… you're just destroying the one thing no one cares about: yourself."_ ~~

SIMON

Baz seems off when we get home… enough that I'm worried… I decide to only pretend to go to sleep…

The second Baz sneaks out I'm up and following behind him. 

I try to keep a good distance, I know his senses are better than mine and I know there's almost no way to really hide my presence from him…

But I still try my best…

It's easier than I thought it would be… but I think it's only because he's too trapped in his head to pay attention to his surroundings…

I'm only growing more worried as I follow him… I knew he snuck out to smoke (honestly, how well did he think he was hiding it when he smelled smokier than my magic?) but this time he goes into the Catacombs under the White Chapel… 

I'm pretty sure he's never wandered that far from me before, even when he thought I wouldn't notice…

He finds an empty room in the Catacombs, nothing but him and the stone walls… I stay hiding by the doorway as he lights a flame in his hand…

BAZ

~~_"Do you think you should have gone to Heaven pet? Do you think being a martyr at the end redeemed you in some way?"_ ~~

...

~~_"I think you went where you belonged, Natasha deserves an eternity without you."_ ~~

  
  


SIMON

He's not even lighting a cigarette… I don't know what's going on in his head…

When he brings the flames down onto his own skin I start running.

BAZ

"-az! Baz!"

I look up, the voice in my head fades to a nasty whisper in the face of Snow screaming at me…

"What the fuck are you doing! Put that out!"

I'm so startled by him shouting at me that I do, the flame dies so quickly I think even Snow is surprised… but then he grabs my arm.

"You're not burned?" The confusion in his voice is just as clear as the concern…

"No… I'm a demon Snow, did you think something like that would kill me?"

~~_"To be fair pet… It did the first time…"_ ~~

"Still! Why were you trying to hurt yourself?" Snow demands, "Why would you think that's okay?"

I shrug, "It helps sometimes… this pain is only temporary, it helps me clear my head a bit…"

SIMON

This moment feels important, important enough that I need to choose my words carefully…

I look around, he's acting like he wasn't doing anything too serious, but he went to a place that wouldn't burn down with him and I feel like he had a plan… maybe one as half-baked as some of mine, but a plan all the same…

"You know… it's okay to just tell me you're sad."

Baz glares at me, so I hold up my hands in surrender, "It's just me." I remind him, "The idiot so desperate and lonely he asked a demon to never abandon him… I'm the last person who'd judge you…"

He frowns, looks almost guilty, but I shake my head, this isn't really about his put-downs and teasing… "I'm just saying, if you want to talk about it, or even if you just want to cry, I understand… and I'll stay right here with you."

I lay myself down on the cold stone floor beside him. "I think I'd even like you better if you opened up a bit… it'd feel like you actually planned to stay with me, you know? And I'd open up right back! If you're really serious about never leaving me, well, I want at my side to be the place you're most comfortable…"

He doesn't tell me what's wrong, but he rolls onto my chest and cries for a good long time…

Loud ugly sobs, the kind that sound like they hurt, but I just hold him through it… 

It sounds like this has been long overdue…

…

When he's done we walk back up to our room, hand in hand… 

I feel like this isn't the answer exactly… but it's me finally asking the right questions…

When he's ready, I think Baz will tell me everything…

I suppose he can take his time, learning to trust in me, learning to believe I won't abandon him either…

Like he said, we're gonna be together for a long, long time...


	7. Friends Are A Good Thing To Have

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone needs a good friend
> 
> Just a nice day of everyone growing closer to each other :)

SIMON

I realize that if I want Baz to open up, then I need to as well… so, I start trying to do that.

Though, only at home. In our room together I feel comfortable enough to vent…

It starts with small things.

"I hate language classes, I'm no good with words, and that's just when I'm talking normally…"

...

"I'm glad Agatha is bonding with her familiar, but I wish she'd sit with us more… it feels like she doesn't even want to **_try_ ** to stay friends now that we aren't dating…"

And then it becomes bigger things, things I don't even really talk about with Penny.

"I hate being late and missing meals, because I can actually eat my fill here if I'm on time, in the care homes I grew up in it was always a struggle to get enough food…"

...

"I wish I was better at magic, I always worry that the Mage regrets adopting me and he's always so disappointed in me when I mess up spells. I worry one day he just won't bring me back to school…"

...

"I'm glad I have you. I used to worry that I'd end up alone, my biological parents left me, the Mage doesn't seem to really care for me, Agatha broke up with me, and one day Penny is gonna move to America with her boyfriend… but I'll always have you now."

...

And while Baz doesn't open up as fast… He does start opening up, little by little I learn more facts about him.

I'd file the information away in a book, if I thought there was any danger of forgetting, but every new piece of information I learn about Baz is precious and I keep them too close to my heart to worry about losing them.

So now I know that he used to have friends he was really close to but.. **_something_ ** bad happened to them…

When he died, Baz was alone, at least… alone in the sense that everyone he was close to was already gone…

And he'd already told me that he'd killed people before, but now I know he's pretty sure that's why he was the only one of his friends to go to Hell…

He said, "the other children went through the same stuff as me… but they died as victims… and I died making sure the people who hurt us did too…" I'm not really sure what counts as a sin and what doesn't…

But if having spilled blood, innocent or not, is one… then I suppose when I die that's where I'll be going as well…

Apparently no one tells you what you did to deserve punishment in Hell, but "most people know" Baz assures me, and "the type of demon you become usually reflects your sins" so… well… 

I asked him, if he went to Hell for killing people, why he was a lust demon…

(I know he's wrathful too, but why was lust the main sin?)

He didn't want to talk about that…

All he said was "I guess they thought it was ironic" and then he went to bed early…

I'm not sure who "they" are and I'm not sure why the question upset Baz so much…

But I hope one day he's comfortable telling me everything…

PENNY

I tried to be understanding when Agatha stopped sitting with us at lunch, I knew she was busy with her familiar, I'm sure it was difficult learning sign language. Honestly, I didn't mind much, I've always been closer with Simon than Agatha, but then Simon starts being too busy for me as well…

I **_know_ ** our friendship is strong, I **_know_ ** it's about more than just help with homework and a dread companion for his missions…

I **_know_ ** that…

But…

Now he asks **_Baz_ ** for help with homework, and **_Baz_ ** for advice, and **_Baz_ ** to go with him on missions, and it's suddenly **_Baz_ ** he's telling everything to… and…

And with Agatha gone too…

Suddenly I see the downside of only having two and a half friends…

For a little while, I entertain the thought Simon is in trouble, that he's told his demon too much, placed too much trust in him and now Baz is possessing him or something… 

I had a bunch of spell books ready and was planning an intervention… but I can admit to myself now, I'm just jealous… 

It seems everyone has found their new best friend in their familiar… except me…

"You look sad…" Trixie tells me, but she's speaking softer than usual, gentler.

"I'm just feeling a bit lonely," I confess.

"Lonely huh? Me too."

That surprises me. "But you always seem so happy?"

"Of course," Trixie laughs, though it sounds hollow compared to her usual laughter. "It doesn't do much good to wallow, it's a lot easier to just focus on being happy in the moment, than to be sad about things you can't change…"

I think about this, and frown, "That's stupid. We have magic, what do you want to change? We'll change it!"

"... Well…" Trixie looks at me curiously. "I miss my girlfriend… when you summoned me, I had to leave her behind…"

"Huh… I guess I didn't think about where you'd been summoned from, I just assumed… I don't know… that my magic created you, but that's stupid… Do you want me to send you back?"

Trixie smiles, "I miss Keris a lot, but I've had a lot of fun with you… Do you think you'd be able to summon her too?"

"Summoning a familiar is kinda random though…"

"But you already summoned a familiar, now I'm asking if you can summon Keris…"

"I'd need a whole new kinda spell for that…"

Trixie grins at me, "Like the spell for the nectar?"

… I did finally find a spell that worked…

"Yeah…"

"Then, what are we waiting for? Let's go to the library!"

I hop up from my desk. "Okay!"

It's not quite the same, but it's better like this I think… I'm more confident in fixing problems than sitting around and talking about feelings…

Simon and Agatha need feeling stuff right now…

But I can fix Trixie's problem… 

And for now, that's enough…

  
  


AGATHA

I hadn't even wanted to summon a familiar, I don't really like magic, it's part of the reason I stopped dating Simon (the walking magic explosion).

So, summoning a fairy, a creature that speaks with magic in every breath, I'd been horrified…

And then I'd learned, Phillipa, the fairy I'd summoned… had lost her voice.

A magicless familiar…

Penny would have cried I'm sure… but me? I'd been thrilled.

It's taking a lot of time to learn sign language properly, Phillipa helps me practice every day, mostly we write to each other.

We don't talk much about magic, her because she can't use it, and me because I hate to use it, so instead we talk about everything else.

Things I've been unable to talk to anyone about, because I couldn't talk to my Normal friends about anything magic-adjacent and I couldn't talk to my mage friends about anything too Normal…

With Phillipa, I've finally found someone who's stuck in the middle ground with me.

A magical creature that wants to be Normal…

We watch shows on my laptop, and paint our nails the old fashioned way, we discuss which foods taste better home-cooked and which are better conjured… 

I tell her about loving horses, and the feeling of freedom I get riding them…

And Phillipa shows me what it's like to fly…

I know she can't use magic anymore, can't charm a mortal with a single word, but being with her feels magical to me…

She's enchanting, even sitting next to me in a gooey green face mask and silently laughing at the shitty romcom we're watching.

She glances over at me, catches my eyes on her, and grins. She makes a big show of stretching out her wings, the only fairy thing she still has, and I can't breathe for a moment.

Her wings are amazing, they're white feathers but they're so thin and nearly translucent, they catch the light and shimmer a hundred different colors at different angles…

She truly looks like an angel.

I raise my hands, careful to shape the words I want to convey to her, I could say them aloud, she can hear just fine… but I want to speak to her on equal terms…

_You're beautiful_

She smiles wider at me, and a feeling fills my chest, I've never felt it before, not ever with Simon… but I think I know what it is…

She raises her hands too, and I watch the delicate dance of her fingers as she spells out what she wants to say back to me…

_Agatha, you're so dumb, just come over here and kiss me already_

Oh. Well.

I suppose it would be rude to keep her waiting any longer.

  
  


THE MAGE

All the students are bonding well with their familiars, I couldn't be more pleased with their friendships.

I'd wanted to open the school up to more creatures, but the Coven shut me down, not enough votes in favor…

But thanks to the familiar summoning ritual I've essentially doubled my students with magical creatures, so I've still gotten my way…

I could have done without the demon… 

A lot of my plans revolved around using them as villains… but I can't do that if my hero has bound his soul to one…

I've had to go back to my books, ancient texts depicting an epic battle of good and evil…

I already have my hero, a shining champion to take up the Sword of Mages and banish evil from the realm…

Simon, my son, my heir… the hero the world of mages needs…

But there's no one to point his sword at…

At least… not yet…

As I pour over my books and gather the ingredients necessary, I think I know just what kind of monster to create…

A threat the world of mages has only before seen in their nightmares…

Yes…

When Simon slays the beast there will be no more doubt that he is the chosen one.

Together we will rule the mages…

Only together can we show them how this world should truly be.

I wonder though… without his help… will my magic be enough to create something like this…?

But… maybe I don't need to do it alone… perhaps, like Simon, I could find help from an unlikely place…

I wonder what powerful demons reside in the lowest circles of Hell?

  
  


**??????**

_I feel a tug on my hand… a summoner is calling me…_

_No one has ever managed to reach this far down before._

_I grin. It's been a long time since I've been let out to play…_

_Though, I can't help but think… I'm sure even though so much time has passed_ **_he_ ** _hasn't been reborn into the world of the living…_

_I doubt I'll see_ **_him_ ** _again..._

_A shame…_ **_he_ ** _was such a good pet…_

  
  


BAZ

I jolt up, probably scaring the shit out of Simon.

"I don't feel good."

"What?" He asks, pressing a hand to my forehead as though it's one, even possible for me to get a fever and two, possible to check for it like that.

"I don't know, I don't feel sick exactly… just bad… weird… like a sense of dread out of nowhere…"

"Oh! Like that saying about someone standing on your grave?" Simon chimes in.

I don't think he meant anything bad by it… but I doubt I have a grave to stand on…

And I'm trying to be more open with him so…

"I don't think I have a grave anywhere for someone to step on, not unless that whole burned down building counts and I hope it doesn't, I'd hate to think I share a grave with…"

"With?"

I open my mouth, but… I can't say her name… I don't want to… 

I feel like… "speak of the devil, and they shall appear" might work or something… like saying her name would call for her or something…

I don't know, maybe that's just the weird feeling in my gut talking…

I shrug. "Any of them really, I deserve a resting spot where I could actually rest and that place is all bad memories."

Simon looks thoughtful, "I could make you a spot in the Catacombs… or maybe the woods… would you like that?"

"I don't know…" I admit. "Graves are really for the living, something to visit, somewhere to go, just to remember and feel close to someone who's gone… and I only have you… and you're with me all the time… you don't really need to mourn me, to you, I'm alive…"

"I guess that's true…"

Around you I almost feel alive, I think, but don't say…

He promised me we'd be together for the rest of his life… I have time…

One day… one day I'll be able to say everything to him…

For now, I hold his hand and curl up against him as he does his homework…

For now, I'm just happy with him.


	8. A Visit and an Omen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ta-da! An update
> 
> *jazz hands*
> 
> I hope this makes some people... Happy?

SIMON

I'm getting used to the routine, it's nice, having a constant in my life… Sure, I had people in my life before Baz… but this is different…

Every morning we wake up together, get dressed together (for all my usual clumsiness I'm getting really good at navigating around him), get breakfast together…

Penny and Agatha don't even join us as much anymore, both so busy with their familiars… but I'm not lonely. 

Baz follows me through my classes (and lunch) and sometimes he even helps me… He's pretty smart, and he always seems to have a new spell up his sleeve to help me…

(Though he won't tell me where he learned them… maybe one day…)

We eat dinner together, we go home together, Baz helps me with my homework, and, when it's time, we change and go to bed together… (not in the same bed!) 

Aside from having to share the bathroom (why does Baz need so long in there? He certainly doesn't need all that time getting ready, he looks good even when he just rolls out of bed!) and the whole "Baz needs sexual energy to sustain himself and therefore I have to wank on a schedule" thing, living with him is pretty great…

I mean, I'm even doing better about my emotional meltdowns since I vent to Baz all the time…

Things are going so well, but as usual, I don't notice just how nice the routine is until it gets disrupted.

It's a pretty standard Monday morning and Baz doesn't want to get out of bed.

I'm pretty sure demons can't get sick, and… I know he's not… "low on energy" since I took care of that last night… 

But no matter how I pester him he insists he's "not getting out of bed" and that I should just "go on" without him… all dramatic like a character from a movie…

"Fine, stay in bed, I'll bring you back food later." 

It shouldn't be that big of a deal, it's basically like going back to my old routine before Baz, but everything suddenly feels so lonely…

I get dressed alone, eat breakfast alone (Penny and Agatha are still busy), and go through my classes alone (it's so quiet without Baz whispering in my ear while the teachers are talking…), and by lunch I'm miserable…

I miss the way he sits too close to me and waits for me to have my mouth full before saying vulgar stuff… 

I miss the way he snorts when he doesn't want to laugh at something I've said but can't quite help it…

I mean fuck, I even missed the way he would have hogged the bathroom this morning because I knew it meant he wasn't coming with me…

I gather up some food and decide to visit him before I have to go back to my other classes.

BAZ

The second Snow is out of the tower I roll out of bed and get ready. I speed through my bathroom routine (my poor hair… I barely brushed it…) and then hurry to get dressed. 

Normally I'd put on the same uniform as Snow and go to school with him, but today is different… 

It's been a long time since I've been summoned for so long, and even longer since I've visited…

I throw on some jeans and a hoodie (I think they're Snow's), it's not my first choice for looking presentable for the visit, but I don't need anyone spotting me and telling Snow I left…

Or worse, Snow spotting me and following…

Maybe one day I'll bring him along, maybe if this lasts a couple of years, if I feel like we'll really stay together for the rest of his life…

But, for now, I'm not introducing them… I've never even thought of bringing anyone with me before, and I'm not going to do it unless I feel sure.

I take the steps down the tower two at a time, I'm in a hurry, it's a long way to go and a long way to come back all before he's done with class...

From Mummers House it's a straight shot across the Great Lawn. I throw up my hood and start booking it for the Drawbridge.

  
  


**??????**

_My summoner keeps me confined to a tower, it's boring, but bearable…_

_There are windows at least…_

_It's while I'm gazing out one such window that I spot **him** … _

_Sensing another demon is easy enough, but knowing it's_ **_him_ ** _changes everything…_

_I don't wonder about where_ **_he's_ ** _going, I'm sure I know…_

_I wonder what_ **_he'll_ ** _do, when_ **_he_ ** _learns I'm back..._

_I shiver just imagining it..._

_My summoner has been doing his best to provide me with sustenance…_

_But my pet is the one I'm really craving…_

_If I can have_ **_him_ ** _again… under my hands… pretty face red and wet with tears once again…_

_Well…_

_I don't think I'd even need the other children…_

_I lick my lips, it's been so long, I wonder if_ **_his_ ** _blood is still as sweet…_

_I wonder if_ **_his_ ** _screams are still as satisfying…_

_I suppose there's only one way to find out…_

BAZ

The building is the same as ever, smoky ruins no one but me is demented enough to visit…

I remember when this place used to be a church… when everyone thought those sweet nuns taking in the local orphans were truly Heaven-sent…

As I step onto the "Holy ground" I'm once again unsurprised it doesn't burn my demonic body… truly nothing about this evil place was ever blessed… even now the ground seems soaked in blood and sorrow...

I kick my way through the wreckage of what used to be rows of pews and past rooms that are only somewhat still standing, out to the "backyard"... No one ever questioned the graveyard behind the church, it made sense to them… last rites and all…

And if there were new graves in the morning, ones no one attended a funeral for? Well… they were all content to look the other way…

And the screaming cries in the night? Well, exorcism has long been believed in… if the sobbing sounded like children… well… obviously that was just the demons trying to trick people…

Best to just plug your ears…

I wonder… how many of these graves did they make me dig…?

I plop myself before one such grave, for the longest time it didn't even have a stone, only I knew it was here (and only I visited) but today I can clearly read the name on the headstone (one I craved myself)...

**Natasha**

I smile, "Hey little sis, it's been a while since I got to visit you."

There's no answer, of course, but I continue undeterred, "Sorry I didn't visit on your birthday, I got summoned by this… mean guy… and he wanted… um… well, it was quite a lot, so I got held up… but my newest summoner is much nicer… he wants me to stick around for a while…"

I can picture her face so clearly in my head, so much like my own and yet so different too… rounder eyes, fuller cheeks, smaller nose, longer hair… (I thought once, to grow my hair out… but it hurts too much, so now I keep it short…), and everywhere that I was sharp edges and broken glass Nat was soft silk and smooth sand…

"I bet you'd have made so many friends with all those kids at his school… you were always better with people, more tender… I was only ever nice to you," I laugh a bit at the memories, but it comes out more bitter than I'd like…

"I'm sure you would have grown up pretty, a lovely young woman, I'd have to fight to keep your suitors away…"

Unbidden flashes of blood and my own hands reaching out and snapping bones springs to my mind…

"Well… maybe I'd let you handle it yourself…"

I run my hand along the cold face of the stone, trace my handwriting in her name… 

"I wish I could have seen it… I wish you could have lived it… I wish… I wish a lot of things…" 

I don't bother biting back the tears, it's only us, and Nat would never have judged me for crying…

"I used to wish for a lot back then too… mostly for it all to stop… but I think if I'd known, if I'd known I was really digging everyone's graves myself… I'd have wished for it to continue, I never wanted to be there alone when it finally stopped…"

"It's so lonely without you…"

I'm crying too hard to read the words on the stone anymore, but I know what they say by heart…

" **_It should have been me, Little Puff…"_ **

…

When I've calmed down again I tell her the other things I wanted to say.

"I think, if things work out with this one, I might bring him to visit…"

I think she'd like to meet Snow… 

I think about our talk the other day, about how graves are more for the living to visit the dead… and I think about this… how this is just the dead visiting the dead, and how I'm the only one who comes here… the only one who remembers…

"I think, if I could have picked… I wouldn't have minded being a ghost instead, I would have happily stood vigil over your final resting place for all eternity…"

I try to picture it, all those years, here, instead of being made to tear others apart or endured others tearing me apart…

"I don't think I'd have met Snow though… I can't imagine he'd have a reason to visit some nowhere graveyard like this..."

As I say it, I spot a new grave… huh, I guess it **_has_ ** been a long time since I visited…

I hop up and have a look at it…

**Lucy Salisbury**

"I see you made a new friend Little Puff, when did that happen?"

I put it out of my mind, it's not important, I'm visiting my sister right now…

But…

Salisbury seems so familiar to me… my brain is too emotional to place it right now, but I'll think more on it later…

"Alright Little Puff, I need to head back now, even 'running fast as Hell'… I'm probably cutting it close, staying out any later…"

I get up, dusting myself off, "I love you Nat, promise I'll visit again soon."

As I walk back through the wreck of the church I spot it…

Somehow perfectly intact amid the ruins…

A thick tome on demonic rituals and blood magic…

It's new…

Someone has been here, recently, and they had the same books as **_she_ ** used to…

I burn it without hesitation.

This, along with my persistent feelings of dread, tells me what I feared most…

Somehow, despite killing them, it seems like that awful cult could still resurface…

Is that why I didn't move on? Why all of the other children went to Heaven and I alone walked the blood-soaked path of a demon?

Is this not over yet?

And, if it's not, why? Wasn't this tragedy enough the first time?

As I hurry home, I can't help but think… as many battles as I've fought and won, as durable as I've proved my new demonic body is…

Am I still afraid of that woman? More a demon in her human life than I could ever hope to be…

If someone is trying to restart her work… or worse… if someone manages to summon her back to this place…

Can I handle it?

I don't have an answer, and it scares me a bit…

SIMON

Baz is still in bed when I get back to the room…

I thought he was faking being sick earlier, didn't think he could **_get_ ** sick, but he looks awful now…

Sweaty and pale, stricken, like I get after a nightmare…

I don't ask, I just plop myself onto his bed, curl around him in a way I hope is comforting.

"I brought you food," I tell him, passing it over. It's silly, but I hope he understands…

I'm no good with words, but food is important, and I've never brought any to anyone before… never had someone to look after the way I have Baz…

And I hope that translates somehow, that I care, even if I don't have the right words…

"I missed you today," I admit, it's not the most embarrassing confession I've made to him, and it doesn't feel bad to say… it feels like a relief, to be able to tell him…

To be able to see him…

"I missed you too," Baz says, quietly, as he eats. "I'll confess, I wanted to sneak out, but I think maybe next time I should just bring you with me…"

"Oh?" I'm not sure how to feel about it, that Baz lied and left me… because he missed me too… and he came back… "Where did you go?"

"I visited my sister's grave, it's been a while since I've been out of Hell long even to do it and I was feeling bad for not making more time for it… for her…"

It's a lot more from Baz than I'm used to (he had a sister!), but I don't want to make it too big of a deal, I don't want him to close off…

"Okay, next time, should we bring flowers? What was her favorite kind?"

Baz makes a weird face, scrunched up and unhappy, before it goes perfectly blank again…

"Lilies…" He answers. "Before she died… there were some lilies that used to grow around the orphanage… she'd always pick a few and make flower crowns…"

I picture tiny Baz-es… one a boy and one a girl, both wearing flower crowns… it's cute...

"Even now, I wonder at the irony… that a lily represents purity…" He mutters under his breath...

I don't understand, but I just sit and pat his back… "Okay, just say the word and we'll go visit her, whenever you want!"

I don't know much about family, but if it's anything like how I feel about Baz, missing her must be awful…

**LILITH**

_I heard you pet…_

_Though it's been a while since you've called me "Lily"..._

_Eager to see me again are you?_


End file.
